I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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