I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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