I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
