You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
