WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
