I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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