did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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