put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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