Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
