I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
