Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
