Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
