Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
