Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We need a shit load of segways right now
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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