A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my being single is dangerous.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
