I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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