dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
