I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
