i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
