I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
