Your dad touched me again.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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