I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
