I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
