She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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