so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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