Can i not drive my cunt home
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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