Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
No subtext here. People are naked.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
