Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
