Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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