no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
