Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
