maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
