ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
