it wasn't lemon gatorade
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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