oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
