so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
