I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
