That's intense
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
