Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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