You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
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