I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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