Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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