are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
