I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
