Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
