So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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