haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
