Just fell off a train. Bad.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
