so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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