apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
