batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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