shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
can u get pink eye on your cock?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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