I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
