afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
