I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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